What Can We Learn and Apply from Silent Meditation Retreats to Our Everyday Life?

I recently had my friend Tony Francis on the FlowCast where we went in-depth on the story of a virtual silent meditation retreat that he attended during the COVID-19 quarantine. Not only was this a unique style of a meditation retreat, but it also got me thinking about how we all could apply those lessons to our everyday lives. Instead of endlessly flicking through social media what if we paused to listen to the birds chirping and just watch the clouds drifting by us?

Instead of seeing meditation as a bandaid solution to a tightening in our chest what if we made it a part of our daily routine just because?

What would our life be like then?

Today, let's look at what we can learn from the experience of others who have attended silent meditation retreats and see how we can live a little more mindfully by following their lead.

We're Always Chasing The Next Mountain

We face an immense issue in our modern world that is driven by our primitive brains in this hyperstimulated setting. We are so driven and focused by the next milestone or next objective that we never stop to appreciate what's in front of us. You've probably experienced this yourself before. You go on a beautiful hike, seeking out the highest point in the area. You are so focused on reaching that zenith too far away to even see in the distance that you don't take in the forest around you. Or maybe you're on vacation on the Mediterranean coast, and instead of appreciating the breathtaking scenery, you're only thinking about what you're going to have for dinner and where you're going to eat.

Our agendas are meant to guide us towards living more purposefully, not to own us and our every thought.

Silent Retreats Give Us Access To Experiences No Other Humans Have

Sam Harris is a neuroscientist who has found his purpose in teaching meditation, primarily through his Waking Up app where he teaches daily meditations, brings on guest instructors, and has deep discussions with long time practitioners. In his book of the same name, *Waking Up*, Sam talks about his first silent meditation retreat experience which happened when he was only sixteen. Sam talked about the misery of the experience, as part of the retreat included a multi-day fast in the woods alone. Chasing his metaphorical mountain, Sam spent the first few days journaling about all the foods he would eat when he was back home. Despite the challenge of the initial phase of the retreat, over the years Sam has reflected that he believes silent retreats give us access to experiences that no other humans have. There's a transcendence of the primal chase when we exact our willpower to retreat into silence for days at a time. It strips away all the distractions from what is known as "the wound of existence." We recognize that life is entirely made up of NOW. Unlike a prophecy, whatever comes next has not come into existence yet and whatever has already passed may have left a scar but is equally nonexistent in the present moment.

While I have not attended a silent meditation retreat, I am deeply curious about what this exclusive experience Sam Harris talks about might be...

Unlocking Peak Experiences and Flow

Perhaps one part of the silent retreat experience that Sam Harris talked about is what Abraham Maslow called peak experiences and we more intimately know as the flow state. Flow is technically defined as an optimal state of consciousness, one where performance goes through the roof, and we are forced into the present moment.

The conditions of flow are most commonly met in activities with clearly defined goals and a degree of challenge that is ever-so-slightly above your skill level (4% above to be exact). But what happens when we find flow in situations without a definite outcome?

There is no goal of meditation and that's what most people new to the practice get tripped up over.

Am I meditating correctly?

Am I doing it right?

I'm sure that you've had these thoughts before.

To paraphrase what Tony said so eloquently in the podcast, "we often meditate when we are already anxious as a way to try to relieve that anxiety." One thing that he took away from the experience of the silent retreat when meditating for upwards of three hours every day was the feeling of meditation solely the sake of meditating without needing to do so because one is anxious is a profoundly different experience.

When you let yourself meditate for the sake of meditation, you learn to derive joy from the experience itself rather than some expected outcome of your actions, in other words, it becomes autotelic, another keystone of flow. Then there is the action of mindfulness which is like doing bicep curls for your brain, as each fleeting thought gets flexed away to bring yourself back to open awareness. You experience progress in real-time which when you do for the pure pleasure of the act, keeps you perfectly aligned in that flow channel where challenge meets skill.

All of this culminates in one of the most intoxicating effects of flow; we experience time differently as it becomes distorted. This is very common in the float tank where the dials on all sensory inputs are turned way down. It feels like forever and then it's over. When meditating for prolonged periods and stripping away all temptations of distraction, we come to experience it in a very similar way in finding flow.

Can a Digital Detox Be an Entry Point to a Silent Retreat?

Maybe like me, you are left a little more curious about what experiences are invited into your being when you set out on a silent meditation retreat so I want to leave you with an idea of how we can incorporate some of this mindfulness into our lives.

Within 24 hours we are hit with over 4,000 advertising messages in our environment. Because a silent retreat is all about stripping away all those distractions, I have a hypothesis that a digital detox could be a great entry point to the experience if you're hesitant to dive in or not at liberty to do so at this point in your life.

A digital detox allows you to get some clarity through turning off all of your devices for a period of freedom. While you can do a 30-day social media fast, as Cal Newport suggests in his book Digital Minimalism, a more realistic starting point for you may be starting with a digital Shabbath as Tiffany Shlain describes in 24/6. Having a "screen off Saturday" makes it very easy to unplug without an overwhelming amount of stress and anxiety around feeling like your work life may be falling apart while you step away.

By turning off your devices for 24 hours on the weekend, you can take a step back and look at your life a little more clearly from a vantage point that is away from the frontline of battle.

So what are you waiting for? I encourage you to figure out a way to make this happen right away because you just don't know the depth of experience that is waiting on the other side for you.

Whether you want to venture out into the wilderness on a silent meditation retreat to explore the nature of your reality deeply or take an afternoon to hike through the local woods without tech pinging and binging around you, you are bound to discover the wonder that waits for you when you learn to take a pause and breathe.